Rising up

“I’m good!” I answered enthusiastically. I’m trying to be strong, giving my self-confidence a boost and pretending everything would be alright after answering in a positive manner. I’m lying again. Concerned, yet unable to detach any loopholes, my best friend then moved on to another topic as I sat quietly at the other end drifting off into deep thoughts…

Birds chirping gaily as they flew from tree to tree; a cool breeze swept through the land enabling the dried up leafs on the ground to momentarily take flight; the sun, for once was not scorching yet provided a warm tingly feeling to its receivers. For any trouble free soul, this would be a perfect day. Unfortunately, it was not the case for both of us.

“Why? Why? Why must it end this way?” I demanded pleadingly ignoring the curious stares of a bunch of girls. I needed answers, anything. Instead, silence, which brought chills down my spine, greeted me. Irritated, impatient and close to tears, I repeated myself hoping against hope that the answer would not be what I think it would be.

“It’s because of you!” he finally replied. “It’s because you chose other things over me!”, “It’s because you had hurt me repeatedly with your uncertainties!”, “Mainly, it’s because you chose a different path!”

I could not belief my ears. I was dumb struck. I was furious, confused but still determined. “No, you have got it all wrong! Let me explain.” I shook my head vigorously. Trying hard to catch a glance of his eyes I added, “I mean, we could still be friends right?” Looking up from the ground, two emotionless eyes met mine, which pierced through my heart like a double edged sword as he answered dryly: “No. we can never turn back time. You have chosen your path and so have I.” With that, he got up and walked away without a second look.

Like the shattering of glass was the feeling of my heart, which broke into a million pieces without repair and to pick up the pieces would only hurt even more as the pieces of glass cuts those who dares touches it. I was defenseless, hurt and tired. I could not move. Soon, tears fell down my cheeks like pearls detached from a string of a necklace. I had to. I had to let go. This was the end of my relationship with my childhood sweetheart and a new beginning to an unknown future.

“Sharon, so what do you think I should wear to the ball? The red one or the black?” my best friend asked gleefully, unaware that I was not paying attention. The sudden call of my name brought me back to the present. “Oh, err…black?” I replied cautiously as to avoid being caught easily, for I have my pride to keep. “Awesome! I was thinking the same thing too!” she squealed and continued explaining to me the texture and fabric used to make the dress, as I once again drifted off on my own…

It has been four years since that event and in the process had rejected those who had been willing to take the place, promising to love to the very end. I was too stubborn, doubtful and too scared to be hurt once more and to even trust again, as I’m once bitten twice shy. But deep in my heart, I’m still hoping against hope that my prince charming would come soon and put me out of my misery. None have accomplished, except him, Derek. Jet black hair, soft brown eyes, wide gentle and inviting smile, snow white teeth, tanned skin and a masculine figure which would take the breath of every girl in his path. Derek, he is every girl’s dream.

Being a soldier that had seen the horrors of the battle field and experienced wounds that left scars, I was not interested to get involved. However, he swept me off my feet with his care free, compassionate and sincere character. How could I, a mere human resist?

Slowly, we became great friends, enjoying each others company, sharing everything from our favorite food to our deepest darkest secrets. Personally, I grew quite found of him and was even certain that he might be the one. I was happy. I was free. I am finally trusting, loving again.

But, all these came to an erupted change on that one fateful day…

“Hey Derek, how are you? It’s been awhile since we talked.” I asked happily as I hopped into his car. It has been three weeks since we met. Turning slightly to face me, Derek answered awkwardly “Everything is o.k.” and without another word, he turned away and concentrated on the road. Confused, I tried again “So, what have you been up to?” “Nothing.” was the last and only reply he gave. At that, pin drop silence accompanied us all the way to our destination.

It was days later that I found out that his change of attitude towards me was due to a little misunderstanding, and he was just being unreasonable by ignoring and avoiding me. Countless times I tried to bring up the matter to him, but nothing seemed to work out. With that, we stop speaking to each other for months.

“Sharon? Sharon? You still with me?” Evelyn, my best friend asked gently. “Is there anything bothering you?” “If you want to talk about it, I’m always here.” “If not, do you need some time alone?” Startled from my thoughts and touched by the warmth shown, I could not hold back any longer. I wept. Evelyn, my bosom friend, my sister, my very best friend who is willing to be with me through thick and thin, sat at the other end quietly, listening, understanding my need by just being there for me. “I’ll pray for you” she whispered. “Remember Him. He knows. He catches your tears. He hurts even more when you hurt.” “I’ll pray with you.” “I’ll pray for you.” Evelyn reassured me and wept along with me.

In life there are ups and downs, laughter and tears; People can provide love, assurance, care and take it all away leaving you with nothing. Then, to whom and where would you turn to? I’ve found my strength. I’ve found my redeemer. I’ve found my Father, lover and friend. He is my Abba Father. He is my God. He feels, knows and understands. He loves till the very end. He’ll walk us down this road filled with despair and bring us to great heights, just and only if we allow Him to.

We can gain the whole world…but can you keep your sanity and soul in the process? We can search the whole world for love and acceptance…but can you guarantee it’ll last? Life would not be easy. I would definately hurt again. But, I’m up for the challenge with faith, trust, hope and love, because I’ve found my eternity, my reason to live, and my destiny. Have you?